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Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Want a good tip for the human race.

Want a good tip for the human race.

 Is My Writing Useless Rubbish?

You will not get better than this.

You will not get better tip than this.

 Why make a new New Year Resolution? What was wrong with the old one? Didn’t last years work?

 Entering to the Tip Shop, Hobart Tasmania.

Entering the Tip Shop, Hobart Tasmania. Note the gate made from scrap.

 I suggest there was nothing wrong with it. The fault lay with you. The old one was still ok you just decided you wanted a new one.

It is history now.

It is history now.

 This is happening too often these days. If your neighbour gets a new one you want one too.

They look trendy bags.

They look trendy bags.

 This goes further than New Year resolutions that we did not persevere with to make work. We give up too easy, making no effort to fix anything faulty.  We used to make them work. Now we have given up, it is too easy to get a new one.

Art and crafts made from discarded items.

Art and crafts made from discarded items.

What Has Gone Wrong?

Better Art than some modern art.

Better Art than some modern art.

 Not only with broken resolutions it is the whole commercial system. We have become a throwaway society. If it does not work do not try and fix it, toss it out. If our neighbour has one, we want one too, whether it is necessary or just because it is the flavour of the month, fashions in thing. “I can’t wear that, it is last year’s colour.”  “It will still protect you from the weather, but send it to the opp shop ( an opportunity shop that gives the profits to charity) some person will need it that has no big ego.”

Wow about this.

Wow about this.

It is not always just the ego that motivates this behaviour. It is peer pressure and constant advertising. Also not your fault entirely because things are made cheaply these days, but not to last. How can you fix it if you need special tools, or they are sealed and have to be broken into to get at worn or faulty parts? With the materials, technology and know-how we have today most machines could be manufactured to last our life time.

More Rubbish someone wants.

More Rubbish someone wants.

The problem is what would happen to all the people working in advertising and production jobs. It would affect every one’s job, no one would be safe. Politicians would have a major disaster on their hands to fix the economy. Only a major world war could get things up and percolating. There is something radically wrong with the capitalist system. How can we protect the ecosystem, the complex biological network of organisms and their environment? The big multinational businesses are designed to make a profit and the men who are running them are out of a job if the company is not paying a dividend.

This is like something out of Star Wars.

This is like something out of Star Wars.

I don’t think it will directly come to a world war. We like our status symbols, T shirts with the brand name vividly shown on them. I remember back when a firm gave you an item of clothing if it had them advertised on it. Now celebrities are given them and paid to wear them and all the sheep follow.

what is this

what is this

  I will not make a New Year’s resolution the old ones have serve me well.

 If I don’t need it, I will not buy it.

 Be careful of how much processed food I eat. Balanced food intake with how much exercise I do.

 Try to stay on my unitarian ethical path to improve my understanding of this wondrous world.

Is this rubbish, art or a mobile BBQ.

Is this rubbish, art or a mobile BBQ.

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Fully Absorber in the Now.

Watching the action.

Watching the action.

“Jack!”

I put the finishing touches to the picture.

Fully focused on what I am doing and thinking of nothing else.

Now I think I’ll pencil it in the calligraphy, then I hear but am not listening.

“Jack!!”

‘Then see how it looks before using the ink.’

“Jack!!!”

I am aware of the irritable emotion but answer without thinking.

“What’s the problem?”

“You are the problem, I don’t know if you can hear me or are ignoring me.”

“I am absorbed, doing some art.”

“Can’t you just say YES so I know you have heard?”

Aware I am getting annoyed, I should have done my little, count to ten, few deep breaths, unmindful I just respond.

! YES! YES!” Then I realise I am losing my temper.

“Just go back to your art sorry I interrupted you!”

 “No I want to know, should I ring the fire brigade or the police what is the emergency?” That was I realise nasty, sarcasm.

“It is not important, I just wanted to know where you hid the rake, it is not where it should be kept.”

“Sorry, last time I saw it was when we were mulching up the pruning.”

“Well it is not where it should be kept.”

 I am trying to recall what happened.

“I was raking up the last of the leaves; yes, you called me to help put the tarp around the mulching machine. Have you looked in where the mulcher is?”

“No, did you leave it there?”

“May be I was raking up and you asked me to help you with the mulcher I probably just put it down without thinking, I remember putting my gloves back on the bench but can’t remember what I did with the rake.”

“You remember all that but can’t remember where you put the rake.”

“Well I was not thinking at the time I was running on auto pilot, unmindful just responding not fully aware.”

“What’s all this living in the now you have been reading about?”

Two minutes later “I found the rake, where you left it in by the mulcher.”

“That’s great, come and have a look at what I’ve done.”

“I like the surfer catching the wave, but what has that got to do with the writing,

“We only have one moment to live and that is NOW.”

“Well the wave is passing but the surfer has caught it, he is living right in the now.”

“And you left the rake in the past.”

“Let’s not live in the past”

“If you want to live in the now, be mindful of where you leave the rake in future.”

Some times we get dumped.

This is the drawing I was fully absorbed in.

 

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Our bikes stand by while engines are refuelling.

Our bikes stand by while engines are refuelling.

 Just Have a Go.

Zeebra will agree with this in her “time out for art”

First Wwoofing place, frame from po. shop.

First Wwoofing place, frame from op. shop.

  “You are not going to post that rubbish?” My ego enquired,

“Why not?”

“Your grandkids can do better drawings and the photos are just snap shots.”

“Because I am not a genius you would have me doing nothing but sit around watching TV. I am not hurting anyone enjoying a pastime, people with no mobile phone to play with would be left twiddling their thumbs and getting up tight and impatient. “

Keeping up with the news.

Keeping up with the news.

So why not show other people that they do not need an expensive toy or talent to look at the wonderful world around them. Matt Groening did not let it stop him while he was waiting, he drew Bart Simpson. I enjoy the lulls in life, instead of getting impatient, I draw and it is relaxing and takes my mind off myself. Even when you have some discomfort the diversion will take your mind off what is ailing you.

I am on the bus, what are you doing.

I am on the bus, what are you doing.

My sketching is not for other people, it is for my enjoyment. Critics can knock it, that is no problem, as long as the comments are constructive, I can learn from criticism and if it is intended to upset me I can laugh at it. Then like a gift that is not accepted, it will remain with the giver. Dale Carnegie said “When someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade.” Your friends will not knock your efforts, at the worst they may have a laugh and laughter is good. When the first baby laughed, that was the beginning of fairies, according Peter Pan.

I am on the bus too, I didn't see you get on.

I am on the bus too, I didn’t see you get on.

My sketching helps my memory; I can recall details of places and things after sketching them. Like photos they are good to look back on, but you can add a bit of yourself in a drawing, a camera just shows the facts; the artist is at liberty to alter the composition, leave things out or add in. When I say artist I am including myself, because if I don’t, no one else will. Yes an artist can distort, or get really abstract.

An old wooden recycled frame, not plastic.

An old wooden recycled frame, not plastic.

Drawing is like playing the ukulele, the more you practice the better you get. It is that way with most things. I say most things but I can’t think of anything that doesn’t improve with practice. It may take a lot of time and practice so the sooner you start the better. That is my biggest fault I started too late. I let my ego get in the way of a lot of things when I was young. Thinking I might look silly or it was not masculine. Groucho Marks did not worry about being silly and John Wayne is dead, so don’t be shy, have a go.

She went two stops, but it was too far to walk.

She went only two stops, but it was too far for her to walk.

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Appreciating Worthy Intention.

Fairy Nice.

Fairy Nice.

 Mr Cottrell’s heart was in the right place but his head was in the clouds. On reflection I would not call him mister he was only about eighteen and full of the fervent fever of one who has just found God. I was only a kid and could not imagine a god being lost. As from what I knew about gods, they were like Supermen some were nudists living on mount Olympus, Zeus was the boss and tossed thunderbolts all over the sky when he was upset. I was told these gods were myths. I was not sure what myths were but thought they were something like the Tooth Fairy, not to be taken too seriously unless you had a loose tooth. Then if you knew what was good for you, you were a strong believer in the Tooth fairy.

A little community hall like this.

A little community hall like this.

The little community hall was reserved on Sunday by the local multi denominational Christian Church group. That is where Mr. C. held Sunday school for the kids. I always attended the last few meetings before Christmas and was invited to their Christmas picnic. I liked the bible stories almost as much as Jack in the Bean Stork, Snow White and the seven dwarfs and Little Red Riding hood. I knew an ordinary hat would blow off riding a horse, what I perplexed me was she did not have a horse. I was always asking why and trying to find out things. Not like Bobby Bacon, the boy everyone, except me and Mr. C., called Piggie, I tried to keep in good with Mr. C. but Bobby would ask all these difficult questions. “How could, Noah fit all the animals in the world on a boat.” “It was a big boat.” Said Mr C. “But tigers would eat the deer.” “He kept them in cages.” “Elephants would break out of cages and eat all the food and where would he keep the food?”  Mr. C. was never stuck for an answer he just said “All things are possible with God on your side.

Is this Noahs arc?

Is this Noahs arc?

I told Bobby to shut-up or he would miss out on the Christmas picnic, like me that was the main reason he came along and I think his Mum give him a bit of a push. My Mum did not need to push me she said “When you do anything it should be for the right reason. Like in the Pinocchio movie, ‘always let your conscience be your guide.’ That movie was a memorable occasion in my life; it was the only movie Mum took me to see. Still my appetite for picnic food had more influence on me than my conscience.

Everyone nose Pinocchio.

Everyone nose Pinocchio.

I was a cunning kid. If I knew what I now know, as is often said by people seeing the errors of their youth, I would have missed out on a lot of fun. It is no good regretting the past.’ Even if we could turn back we’d probably never end up back where we started.’ I think that line is plagiarised but what has not been said before, in some way. I diverge, getting back to that ignorant kid he was a good normal boy learning about life in a perplexing, contradictory world.  In this world the blind do their utmost to help those struggling to understand to see it as they do.

Tooth Fairy

To tell Mr, Cottrell I am more interested in going to the picnic than your bible stories. Those stories are no different to me than myths and legends and I prefer to follow the ethical teachings of the Buddha. Can I still come to the picnic? Who knows what the outcome would have been. I am so pleased we cannot go back and meddle with the past. It was confusing enough without additional interference.

We need no strings needed to dance.

We need no strings needed to dance.

Mr. Cottrell was a sincere, kind young person spreading his joy of finding a guiding light. He gave up his time sharing what he believed in with the likes of Piggie and me. It is the intention not the action that gives the deed its value. Like Mum said,” When you do anything it should be for the right reason.”  Why do I write these posts? For the same reason Mr. C. told me stories. We are all well-meaning, but maybe like Piggie, we only want to be happy and party. Bobbie probably grew into a well-meaning hedonist and lots of fun at a social gathering.

not used

G’day Bobbie

This is basically a true story but the memory is not to be relied on with impunity.  Also stories do need a bit of artistic licence to be at all interesting. When writing about myself I can handle the truth like a contortionist handles his body or a juggler his balls. 

Fairies and dragons I could not show the contortionists

Fairies and dragons I could not show the contortionists

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Morning greets me through the bedroom window.

Morning greets me through the bedroom window.

Good Morning to Blue Sky.

With gum leaves and gum nuts.

With gum leaves and gum nuts

 Up one level gets the best view, as well as the fresh air filtering through the eucalyptus leaves, then coming in my window, on the gentle morning breeze. It is great to be alive, I am one fortunate fellow.

I am greeted by a family of little friends.

I am greeted by a family of little friends.

Looking at those beautiful gum nuts, reminds me of my childhood when reading May Gibbs book Bib ‘n’ Bub, I imagined how those gum nuts would have been when in blossom covered in bees. They are still beautiful; I will get my camera, they deserve a photo.

Life is full of surprises if we are aware.

Life is full of surprises if we are aware.

Lucky Jack, if there is someone up there, he has turned it on for me. The bees have stopped visiting, but the birds are visiting this morning and I have my camera ready. Click, click, click you have to be quick, I think I’ve got them.

Natures  sweet gift today is like Christmas.

Natures sweet gift today is like Christmas.

Pauline will be starving! I will go make breakfast, I like making it just right,  I look at the colours and patterns while cutting up  fruit and add dried fruit,  today we have a dragon fruit fresh from the house garden.

Dragon fruit tastes as good as it looks.

Dragon fruit tastes as good as it looks.

“Don’t play with your food, hurry up.” Mothers say. I like to enjoy both preparing and eating my food. Why rush something as enjoyable as food. Savour every morsel. It is one of life’s necessities, like air we cannot live without it. Yet people are oblivious to this fact until they are deprived of them. Same as with our health, we are unhappy if we are sick and ailing but are we happy and grateful to be free of pain and not suffering?

See fruit looks great and healther than Coccopops.

See fruit looks great and healthier than Coccopops.

Get with it, wake up and live, the morning is beautiful and sunny. Yesterday was wonderful and rainy; the garden loved it, so did I. When I saw a puddle I felt like paddling bare foot in it, but I acted my age, how stupid of me.

Come and get it! and lemon grass tea from the garden too.

Come and get it! and lemon grass tea from the garden too.

Many years ago on my first visit to England a young lady took me for a drive around the Lakes District. She apologised for the English weather, I saw nothing to apologise for, it was beautiful. I think I saw it at its best, like a beautiful water coloured painting.

Water another of life's necessities often not appreciated.

Water another of life’s necessities often not appreciated.

Life is always wonderful it is the way we sometimes look at it that is twisted and distorted. At 82 I have to expect some wear to occur as payment for the good times. All the scars and wrinkles are badges won in the battle field of life’s pleasures. That is the only field to fight in. In the field of fun give it your best shot the battle must be fought and won.

Sunset in a rain clouded sky.

Sunset in a rain clouded sky.

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Instead of asprin.

Instead of aspirin.

Intercourse by any other name is not the same.

Takes two to Tango.

Takes two to Tango.

Have I lost my sense of humor, not up with the play, or unsympathetic with the lazy and ignorant? I admit I have no time for the lazy. The ignorant may be excused for thinking intercourse is a dish served in between entrée and the main meal or as a tit-bit to nibble on, before getting their teeth into the really satisfying main course. Some men may think that foreplay is the footy team singing the national anthem before the game commences.

A prickly seat.

A prickly seat.

That may be funny but there is no hilarity in comedians and people in general using gutter language, repeating the same inappropriate word over and over. I find this boring. No pun intended, although a hole has to be bored for the screwing to take place. There are people disturbed when sex is mentioned even for legitimate purposes. Some people are reluctant to discuss sex with their children. This could be one of the causes for the generation gap.

Mongo the mouse maller.

Mongo the mouse mauler.

Today people are mostly lazy when they do not use the appropriate adjective. There are educated people who know better but think they need to speak this way to show they are uninhibited. What they are doing is setting a bad example and degrading the language. These short abrupt words used inappropriately have lost their shock value. In times of utter frustration we now have to hit out or mash something, when a shocking word would have been sufficient.

He wood nototch speak.

He wood notch speak.

Get out of the habit of lazy bad-language, try to speak, not only truthful, but respectful and mindful of the feelings of others. Harsh disturbing language is unbecoming and disrespectful. If you want respect you must be respectable and considerate. This takes mindful thought and practice to enhance our reputation. Most arguments are caused by misunderstanding. Adding superfluous words makes communication difficult.

Fun with words.

Fun with words.

Like, ‘if you know what I mean’, because I do not know what you mean, unless you say what you mean. Our thoughts need to be clearly stated to be understood. My previous paragraph started, ‘get out of the habit’, I was not suggesting you strip of your priestly garments, language can be ambiguous. Get out of your slack tendency of copying people who fill their conversation with ’like’, ‘you know’ ‘sort of’ and ‘know what I mean’. I have noticed sports people generally converse far better than film stars and entertainers. Why is this? Could it be without their script actors are lost for words. Where would a politician be without a script writer? I think that subject warrants another post.

Tired of words.

Tired of words.

We need to make an effort to communicate clearly. When communication breaks down, our understanding is lost. There are no bad words it is where and how they are used that creates the problem.  All words have a purpose; the purpose of the words in this post point out frivolous humor can be conveyed without superfluous offensive language. I could be wrong, but I think comedy can be fun without the unnecessary fill in words. If intercourse was the word repeated over and over, would that add to a joke or a conversation?

Tired ofcomertials..

Tired of commercials..

Television has contributed to spreading bad habits. The TV audience is treated rudely with no consideration, interrupting a program to market products is contemptible. There are few programs that are beneficial or edifying, the biggest percentage shown is an insult to the intelligence. We should be selective in what we watch. If you feed on rubbish you will deteriorate to that level. There is a mute button on the remote so you can talk to your guests while the ads are on. Better still be a good host and turn off the TV.

Big mouth no speach.

Big mouth no speech.

When searching for the right word to convey your thoughts; don’t hum-and-ha be silent and think. You have the words, it is our recall that is the problem, like our computer, where did we file it? It is important to be mindful and recall the right word. When you speak have something of value to say. Our thoughts are private but once spoken cannot be retrieved. The wise often convey wisdom without words.

At the end of the day as they say.

At the end of the day as they say.

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